Kya door gaya kya paas raha,
Duniya se main anjaan raha,
Kuch log mile hain kabhi mujhe,
Ye yaad raha, ehsaas raha,
Yun hua wo hamse juda huye,
daaman mein Unke dil bezaar raha
shab ye nikle andheri magar,
sehar ka ab bhi nishaan raha
go dekha ho roz humne usko
wo rukhsar hasin khwab raha
tum khuda ko lekar ladte ho,
uske bandon mein pyar raha?
Anjaam-e-mehfil kisne dekha,
Dekho jo ab tak aagaaz raha
kuch be-asar sharab hai,
labon pe tera shabab raha,
sada majboor ye halaat rahe,
Aur dafan ye jazbaat raha,
Ameer-o-gareeb,bhala-o-bura,
Sab ki manzil shamshan raha,
Kudrat ho khadi qayamat pe,
Wo kyun badle, insaan raha
Gar ishq kiya to hue khuda,
Nafrat se bhara haivaan raha
Kyun dehar na aayee raas use,
'abhi' hairan raha, pareshan raha
comments are open :)
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Duniya se main anjaan raha
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17 comments:
acha likha hai bhai.... yaar kuch words that u feel would be difficult to understand, unke meanings bhi bata diya kar..
2 lines...really good...heavy word usage...u r bond....
Bahut mehnat lagii but i interpreted the whole write-up. It's damn gud dude, i bow b4 thou :)
"Ameer-o-gareeb,bhala-o-bura,
Sab ki manzil shamshan raha,"
This is my favourite couplet however ironically, i wud like to point out an observation in the same...
Throughout u have been using urdu words and addressing God as KHUDA... then don't u think instead of SHAMSHAAN u shud have used KABR or somethin?
Just an observation, mind u... but do defend urself if u beg to differ...
subu,
u r rite, tht i hv used a hindi word were urdu word could have been used. you know i actually deliberated whether i should use kabristan or shamshan.
then i used shamshan for 2 reasons one i thought it was shorter and fitted more in line with the structure secondly i didnt want to use words for the sake of them and i am actually writing in hindustani rather than urdu. so i used the word. I hope u didnt feel it like a sore thumb sticking out.
Awesome Abhi...
Bahut hi achcha laga... har do lines apne aap mein ek story hai... i mean there is no end to the depth of the poem !!!!
I hope u must have taken some good amount of time to write this one... as it requires seeping through oneself all those what u have written...if u actually felt all what u wrote.. !! :P
Well done...keep it up....
Me waiting for the next blog now...
It's a elegant composition decorated with variety of pace holders.
The pace is good but sometimes its going astray because of heavy words.
The good thing about it is the element of Surprise; which gifts the reader a curosity to read on!!
Good work!
Masha Allah... Bahut khoobsurat gazal thi....
It had facts of life.. thats the best part... U made sure u explained wht life n livin is all about...
Best part of ur gazal was..
Reader can't stop it any where in the middle.. It keeps u hold on n ask for more...
Aap-hi ke style mein:
"Aapki gazal tho katam hogayi,
Magar uska Asar humare dil mein abhi bhi raha"
Great work bro... I luved it :-)
Masha Allah... Bahut khoobsurat gazal thi....
It had facts of life.. thats the best part... U made sure u explained wht life n livin is all about...
Best part of ur gazal was..
Reader can't stop it any where in the middle.. It keeps u hold on n ask for more...
Aap-hi ke style mein:
"Aapki gazal tho katam hogayi,
Magar uska Asar humare dil mein abhi bhi raha"
Great work bro... I luved it :-)
i hate to write good about "abhi"..but kya karoon likha itna accha hai....best lines are
Ameer-o-gareeb,bhala-o-bura,
Sab ki manzil shamshan raha,
hw simple he has described the hard fact of life...sometimes its hard to belive dat these lines r writen by abhi....
but boss good piece of work keep it up
While reading it i felt the author is conveying two things . First , memories are everlasting. second,reality of an illusionary world.If wrong correct me . Content is like chappan bhog meal . Aptly chosen 'feel' words . One thing dont mix two themes because it may be confusing for readers .
great imagination dude .
P.s i am not a good critic he he he so aao ignore my last sentence unless you feel so .
@ashish: Since it was a ghazal where a couplet is complete in itself, i gave myself a free hand. Alss the couplets arent interdependent strictly so it was possible. Besides many ghazals do have these tendencies of collecting aspects of life instead of just one facet.
Though i would agree to the fact that it might seem disconcerting but for me it hardly made sense to bunch the same rhyme in some other ghazal as part 1 and 2.
And lastly i am amateur at best so all of the above might be a big bs as well :)i just did what i felt like.
nice ghazal, tu heera hai bey....
main pehley hi jaantata tha ki tu mera naam roshan karega
ab jab itne logon ne acha likha hai, to main kyon burayi karoon iski..
@abhi: I hope you have not given a class on ghazal to all those who have commented here. :-)
@others: If you read this comment, i would like to say that I was the first one to read this ghazal and get a whole 2 hr lecture on what ghazals are and how to understand the beauty behind it. And after that ordeal abhi orders me to write a comment on this also.. come on how can i write a critic on something which I dont even know.. So I had thought of reserving this comment for a later time...
@abhi: Jaisa maine waada kiya tha ki comment likhoonga, lo woh waada poora hua.. Ab chup chap apne blog site pe mere blog ka bhi link daal de.. taaki jo tumhara blog padhne aayein, unme se kuch mera bhi blog padh lein.. :-D
Bahut acha lehtee hoo.
Words simply fail me to suitably raiment my feeling, nonetheless let me give it a shot..
A Very nice composition...
Every line is imbibed with a deep thought,
Especially these two lines-
"sada majboor ye halaat rahe,
Aur dafan ye jazbaat raha,"
Keep it up, Abhishek Ji.
- Shashi
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